Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
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