4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
Randomize
