i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
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