I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
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