I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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