you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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