frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
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