Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
Randomize
