Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Omg I joined a choir last night...
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
