a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
Randomize
