I think scott just propositioned me for sex
You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
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