I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
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