Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
This baby is an asshole
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
