Clothes are such an inconvenience.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
