you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
I love you. Go after that dick
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
