RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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