so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
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