We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
