I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Randomize
