"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
Randomize
