NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
