If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
If I had your ass I would rule the world
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
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