what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
Randomize
