finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
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