What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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