thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
