Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize