i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Such a big mess for such a small penis
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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