i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
Randomize
