Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
