I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
Randomize
