Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
Randomize
