Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
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