I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
are you so shy because you have an std?
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
I need a burrito and a hug.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
