I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
