you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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