my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
Randomize
