matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
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