If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
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