airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
