just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Randomize
