just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
I only kidnapped one of them. chill
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
its not stalking. its research.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
