guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
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