Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
