Your tits are I can't wait for
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Randomize
