only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
Randomize
