she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Randomize