I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
