This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
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