Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
Randomize
