I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
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