his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
Well I just put wine in my tea
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Dear god my vagina.
Randomize
