Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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