Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
Randomize
