If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Randomize
