he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
I need to align my fucking chakras
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize