so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Randomize
