I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
