cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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