My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
