You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
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