If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
I just had sex on a roof
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
