Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
