the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
