after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
