it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
